PRESIDENT-ELECT DONALD TRUMP
Make America great again by issuing an executive order declaring myself king of the world.
More compliments toward President-elect Trump.
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
Make a pilgrimage to Mecca.
Never click a phishing link again and sign up for Norton security & scan computer daily for viruses.
PHILIPPINES PRESIDENT RODRIGO DUTERTE
Kill more drug addicts.
Book my ticket on the next Virgin Galactic space flight.
A CHICAGO POLICEMAN
Same as last year, kill fewer innocent people.
Concentrate on my acting career.
Pass Gordie Howe's 801 goals for second all-time in National Hockey league goal scoring.
ISRAELI PRIME MINISTER BENJAMIN NETANYAHU
More settlements, less Obama.
More oil related stocks.
Join Jeffrey Epstein for a Caribbean vacation of meditation.
Remake the DNC in my image.
More justice & more taxes for all!
Have sex with a woman who is awake.
Stop chewing tobacco.
More Bocce ball!
Same as every year. Make the playoffs.
ABU BAKR AL-BAGHDADI
Create fake news that I am once again dead.
Be more hospitable to President Putin.
TURKISH PRESIDENT RECEP TAYYIP ERDOGAN
Jail more journalists.
Do cool things.
Eat more pizza!
SENATE MAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL
Pass every House bill in Senate and send it to the president for him to sign.
More dumb jokes about Barron.
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE PAUL RYAN
Same as every year. More booze!
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