Madame Freda is a renowned psychic, astrologer and private detective. She was born in a small town in Romania. Immigrating to America as a child. She had her first vision at the age of ten. Madame Freda has been written about in hundreds of newspapers throughout the world. She has an incredible success rate of 96%. She has helped many police forces in Eastern Europe solve their crimes. Her greatest success was locating the kidnapped Guterlaud baby in Germany 21 years ago. Saving the child from certain death. Madame Freda excepts no money for any advice or help she offers. The test of a true psychic or astrologer is whether they accept money for their services. If they take money they are a fraud. It is against the will of nature for a psychic or astrologer to be paid. ComedyZine.com is proud to present Madame Freda's Year 2017 Horoscope.
Work hard and success will be yours. Make time for a hobby, in your case a sex hobby.
You have a drive for adventure. A foreigner will direct you to a cause that will make you leave your country to fight for some losers in Syria. However you will become the top loser in your field and have many heads on sticks to show for your success.
GEMINI2017 is a transformative year for Gemini. You will become a big, fat, slob with few friends.
A man with a tiny penis will bring you great happiness and success. Remember to clean your ears after sex. Eat a dung beetle and your sex drive will be great.
You are a born leader. However no one you know will follow you. Move to a new city and start over.
You enjoy sex more than most. Feel free to have as much sex as you require it will help you relax and think better. Sex helps you solve problems, if you need to solve a problem have sex to help jog your mind and think better.
New relationships are old relationships. You will fall in love with an old friend and spend the rest of your life together. Unfortunately your old friend likes to have sex with others and you will become a swinger.
A man with severe gas will bring good luck to you. Wearing red shoes and red undies will bring you great fortune.
Change is coming your way. A nudist colony is in your future. It is where you will meet your soulmate.
Great things will come your way if you start to eat healthy, if not serious health concerns come instead. Try a new shampoo. Do something about your toenails.
You find joy in helping others. Offering your body to others is the ultimate jesture to another. A furry animal friend can read your mind and loves you.
A very short person needs your help. You will become a Reiki master and learn to heal many people including a future world leader. If you fail to be a Reiki master that world leader will fail to exist and wars will exist instead.
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