COMEDYZINE.COM

WHAT THEY SAID
&
WHAT THEY MEANT

We all have met people that say one thing and mean another. Many well known people have spoken out on various topics. We have listed some quotes and what we believe was actually meant.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I mean what are two steak dinners? I don’t even like steak. I tried to explain that to them; they thought that was funny. I said I don’t think that’s funny,"
- Jennifer Carmin after being told the $29 million win on her slot machine at the Blue Chip Casino in Michigan City, Indiana was a software glitch and was instead offered two steak dinners.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I don’t think that’s funny, I think it is a lawsuit.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Pat’s very cognizant of what’s happened to the party,"
- Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback, on Kansas Senator Pat Roberts.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Pat’s very cognizant that he is not conservative enough for today's Republican Party.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"We sincerely regret releasing a photo to the media this morning of Amy Adams with a Valentino bag, we were not aware the photograph was taken while she was attending the wake of Philip Seymour Hoffman. It was an innocent mistake and we apologize to Ms. Adams who was not aware, or a part of, our PR efforts."
- Statement from fashion house Valentino after releasing PR e-mail touting Amy Adams carrying a Valentino bag to Philip Seymour Hoffman's wake.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
We sincerely regret our PR department is run by insensitive morons.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"There may be reasons I don’t run, but there’s no obvious reason for me why I think I should not run,"
-Vice President Joe Biden.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I have got nothing better to do.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Anybody that thinks that Claude Giroux doesn't belong on the Canadian team, they don't know anything about hockey as far as I'm concerned. It's politics, to a certain degree. He had to pick his own guy. His own guy is good, but Claude is better."
- Philadelphia Flyers Chairman Ed Snider, on Tampa Bay Lightning Martin St. Louis, the 2013 Art Ross Trophy & The Lady Byng Memorial Trophy winner being picked as a replacement player for Team Canada in the Olympics over Flyers Claude Giroux.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I have to pick my own guy. His own guy is good, but Claude is better, even though he wasn't close to winning the Art Ross Trophy.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"We have surveillance video from the hotels that shows people turn on the shower, direct the nozzle at the wall and then leave the room for the whole day,"
- Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Kozak, responding to complaints of Sochi hotels.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
We video guests in the shower.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I actually think it ends up being a good opportunity for us."
-Disney Chairman & CEO Bob Iger in an interview with Bloomberg Television, on ABC competing with CBS'new Thursday Night Football.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
It is a good opportunity for us to try our top-rated Thursday night line-up on another night.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I had no knowledge or involvement in this issue its planning or its execution and I am stunned."
-New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie on the George Washington Bridge lane closures commonly known as the Bridgegate scandal.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I had no knowledge of the the planning or execution of it however I am stunned, stunned that we got caught. My team is usually pretty good.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"It makes sense for him to step aside in that role, he does not serve the goals of that organization by staying as chairman."
- Former Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, on New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie stepping down as chairman of the Republican Governors Association because of the Bridgegate scandal.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
He gives Republicans a bad name, RINO.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"This is disappointing, given the RGA was by far the largest single donor to his losing campaign, giving more than $8 million — a significant portion of which was raised by Governor Christie."
- Michael DuHaime a Republican strategist and Governor Christie supporter, responding to comments by former Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli who lost in his run for Virginia governor.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
It doesn't matter how much Governor Christie's scandal brings down the Republican Party as long as he can raise money.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Maybe the rightwing will hate it, but everyone else will go awww: the adorable new #Cheerios ad w/ biracial family,"
- MSNBC in a Tweet.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
The rightwing are racist.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Earlier, this account tweeted an offensive line about the new Cheerios ad. We deeply regret it. It does not reflect the position of msnbc. We are deleting the earlier offensive tweet. It does not reflect msnbc's position and we apologize."
- MSNBC Tweets appologizing for an earlier Tweet.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
We deeply regret suggesting the rightwing hate Cheerios and will delete the earlier Tweet.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"We started doing these in 2010."
- POLITICO reporter Carrie Budoff Brown in a Tweet, when confronted for stealing the State of the Union "What he said & What he meant" bit from ComedyZine.com which created the "What They Said & What They Meant" bit in 1996.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
We stole it in 2010 so it is okay.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I do throw ducks. I throw a lot of yards and touchdowns-ducks. So I'm actually quite proud of it."
- Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, in response to Seattle Seahawks Richard Sherman who said Manning throws ducks.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Sherman will see a lot of ducks fly by him for touchdowns.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"If the Democrats want to insult the women of America by making them believe that they are helpless without Uncle Sugar coming in and providing for them prescription each month for birth control because they cannot control their libido or their reproductive system without the help of the government, then so be it,"
- Former Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Democrats make horny women believe that they are helpless for a birth control prescription each month. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree. There will be an answer, let it be.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I smoked pot as a kid, and I view it as a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life. I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol...not something I encourage, and I've told my daughters I think it’s a bad idea, a waste of time, not very healthy."
- President Barack Obama in an interview with "The New Yorker" magazine on smoking marijuana.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Pot is a gateway drug to politics. Excuse me while I smoke a fatty.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I’m not talking about anything that’s off-topic, this is only about the president. Let me be clear to you, you ever do that to me again I’ll throw you off this fucking balcony...No, no, you’re not man enough, you’re not man enough. I’ll break you in half. Like a boy."
- Republican New York Rep. Michael Grimm, to NY1 reporter Michael Scotto who tried to ask him a question on allegations regarding his campaign finances.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Ask me about anything that isn't about the president and I will kill you. I am a congressman I can do anything except answer questions.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I verbally took the reporter to task and told him off, because I expect a certain level of professionalism and respect, especially when I go out of my way to do that reporter a favor. I doubt that I am the first member of Congress to tell off a reporter, and I am sure I won’t be the last,"
- Republican New York Rep. Michael Grimm, in a statement explaining his threats to NY1 reporter Michael Scotto.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I expect a certain level of professionalism and respect if I don't get it I throw the reporter off a fucking balcony and break them in half. Like a boy. All I'm askin' (oo) Is for a little respect when you come home. That is how you get respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"The Holy See gets it."
- The Vatican's former sex crimes prosecutor Monsignor Charles Scicluna, to a U.N. committee over the Holy See's failure to abide by terms of the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child for enabling the rape of children by priests.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
The Holy See gets it after hundreds of molestations by priests and countless lawsuits by victims.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I would like the participants, fans, journalists and all those who watch the Games on television to see a new Russia, see its face and possibilities, take a fresh and unbiased look at the country,"
- Russian President Vladimir Putin.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
The "ring of steel" is the new Russia.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Leave the children in peace... can feel calm and at ease,"
- Russian President Vladimir Putin, on gays at the upcoming Sochi Winter Olympic Games and the Russian law preventing adults from talking to anyone underage about homosexuality.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Sochi Olympic Games is like the old U.S. military policy, "Don't ask, don't tell," just to children.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"We do not have them in our city"
- Sochi Mayor Anatoly Pakhomov on gays.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
We sent them to jail.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I think Putin has outperformed our president time and time again on the world stage,"
- Former Republican presidential nominee Gov. Mitt Romney in an interview with NBC News.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I love criticizing our president time and time again.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"The Internet, in particular, offers immense possibilities for encounter and solidarity. This is something truly good, a gift from God."
- Pope Francis.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Al Gore is God.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Mistakes were clearly made."
- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in his State of the State address on the Bridgegate scandal plaguing his administration.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
My staff should never have used e-mails, they should have talked face to face next to a noisy air conditioning unit like Tony Soprano.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Since the passage of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act, the nation has been beset by serious storms and floods. One recent one caused the worst flooding for 60 years. The Christmas floods were the worst in 127 years. Is this just ‘global warming’ or is there something more serious at work? The scriptures make it abundantly clear that a Christian nation that abandons its faith and acts contrary to the Gospel (and in naked breach of a coronation oath) will be beset by natural disasters such as storms, disease, pestilence and war."
- Henley town councillor David Silvester, UK Independence Party, in a letter to the Henley Standard.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
All bad weather is related to gay marriage.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"This is critical enough that she pulled out of her race. So I’m not pressing for anything at this point."
- Wyoming Sen. Mike Enzi on if Liz Cheney, his primary challenger who exited from the Senate race would endorse him.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I don't need her endorsement.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Bigfoot is not a tooth fairy—Bigfoot is real,"
- Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer to KSAT television.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Bigfoot is not a fairytale.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"The only thing that can ‘save’ us is for John Kerry to win his Nobel Prize and leave us alone,"
- Israeli Defense Minister Moshe Ya’alon in the daily tabloid Yedioth Ahronoth, on Secretary of State John Kerry's effort for a peace treaty between Israel and the Palestinians.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
These American peaceniks are really annoying.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"You can oppose negotiations professionally and responsibly without tongue-lashing and destroying relations with Israel's top ally."
- Israeli Justice Minister Tzipi Livni, the leader of Israel's peace negotiating team, on Israeli Defense Minister Moshe Ya’alon's comments of Secretary of State John Kerry.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
That moron Moshe Ya’alon just made my job harder.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I'm running for Senate because the American Dream is being undermined by policies that move us away from constitutional principles of limited government and personal liberty,"
- Former Republican Party chairman Ed Gillespie, on running for Senate in Virginia.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I'm running for Senate in Virginia because no other Republican establishment D.C. insider could be convinced to run against Sen. Mark Warner.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I'm going to heaven, I'll see you there when you come,"
- Dennis McGuire before his execution for the 1989 rape and murder of a pregnant woman.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I'm going but not to heaven.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"I started to compare girls to cheese due to their milky complections... girls are soft, smooth feeling and tend to like dairy products more, that and typical advertising, always using a girl to advertise dairy products. So cheese is what I started to use as a replacement for having sex with girls."
- Christopher Pagano, aka “Swiss Cheese Pervert” in an alleged message sent to a woman through a dating website.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I love cheese!


WHAT THEY SAID,
"It's not possible, I'm a nun."
-The nun who complained of stomach pains after being told by doctors that she was about to give birth to a boy.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
I was told by the monsignor just before sex that I couldn't get pregnant.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Why does she wait to get married in another state after the election? Why does she give same-sex benefits to couples married in other states after the election? This is a mayor who is bringing California and New York values to Texas."
- Harris County, Texas Republican Chairman Jared Woodfill, on Houston's openly gay Mayor Annise Parker after announcing Houston would start offering health and insurance benefits to gay couples who were legally married elsewhere.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Why, why, why must gay people get the same rights as everyone else? I want the good o'l boy values Texas use to have to remain, where white, straight, Anglo-Saxon and Christian meant something, not like California and New York where everyone is treated equally.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"One of the workplace laws and rules that I think are good is that bosses should not prey on young interns in their office. And I think really the media seems to have given President Clinton a pass on this. He took advantage of a girl that was 20 years old and an intern in his office. There is no excuse for that, and that is predatory behavior….. Then they (Democrats) have the gall to stand up and say, ‘Republicans are having a war on women.’ "
- Republican Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
When one Democrat does something all Democrats do it, when all Republicans do something no Republicans do it.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"It’s not Hillary’s fault, but it is a factor in judging Bill Clinton in history, Sometimes it’s hard to separate one from the other."
- Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Sometimes it’s hard to separate one from the other just like me and my dad Ron Paul.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"Let’s judge Hillary Clinton based on her talents and her vision of America should she choose to run for president,"
- Illinois Democratic Senate Majority Whip Sen Dick Durbin, responding to Sen. Rand Paul criticism.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
Let’s judge Hillary Clinton based on her talents not her husband's failings.


WHAT THEY SAID,
"There are some bells you can't un-ring. You can't un-take an airplane flight."
- Former Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli, on not returning gifts to campaign donor Jonnie Williams.
WHAT THEY MEANT,
If I would have know I should pay for it I wouldn't have gone on the flight. I am not paying for the airplane flight from my personal account, not now not ever.




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