Signs
You Are At A Bad Christmas Party

The fake snow on the Christmas tree is anthrax.

You are the only one that is neither a Muslim or a Jew.

It's nonalcoholic.

The only person you know is your ex.

A 75 year-old senior is hitting on you.

Someone vomited into the chip dip.

The entertainment includes a bris.

Everyone is dressed as Pilgrims

Both your ex-mistresses are talking to your wife

The chip dip reminds you of an ex-girlfriend's yeast infection.

Santa shows you his toy.

You are the only one that actually showed up, everyone else is using Skype.