Airport Tips

Arrive early. This will give you more time to spend mulling around with strangers.

Arriving to the airport the day before your flight usually guarantees that you will be punctual for your flight. Usually.

Food is very expensive at airports, a cooler with food is sensible It also gives you a place to sit when all the chairs are taken.

Be sure you bring earplugs so you don't have to listen to CNN nonstop.

Worried about parking at the airport? Just park right in front of the airport. Sure your car will be towed but if you are gone for more than a few days then it will cost you about the same as airport parking. And it is REALLY convenient.

If you need to smuggle something through security always purchase a flight attendant's uniform and carry-on bag at your local uniform store. Dressed as a flight attendant you can quickly pass through airport security. An extra bonus is you also get better meals on the flight. You might even get a date with a man. Heterosexual men should keep this in mind before buying the uniform.

Feel free to leave your bags unattended or with strangers. After all we must all learn to trust one another.

When travel plans go awry, you need a sense of humor, along with the ability to entertain yourself when your smartphone needs a charge. Always bring along a book, game, or other form of amusement such as a blow up doll or some other sexual toy to keep yourself occupied. And don't forget some wet naps for an easy clean up.

For some fun, walk around without socks in cheap plastic shoes for a week without bathing. Watch the look on TSA agents face when they smell your feet once removing your shoes. Priceless!

Also fun, ask someone if they will carry your attaché case through the metal detector. For extra enjoyment record their responses on your smartphone. This is a great way to pass time as you wait for your flight.

Another great way to pass time at the airport is to go to the arrival gate and greet strangers as they deplane. Shake the hand of a stranger while asking, "Good to see you. How have you been?" This will cause them great anxiety while they try and remember your name, particularly if you run up to a woman while her husband waits or if you are woman who runs up to a man. If you really have chutzpuh and are a man, run up to another man and give him a big hug and kiss. The laughs will be plentiful! This is a very enjoyable way to kill time while in an airport, particularly if you like kissing strangers.

Medicine, cash, jewelry, passports, visas, business papers and other valuables such as cameras should be put in luggage that is checked. This makes it easier for baggage personnel to steal these items and sell them on the black market.

If any of your items are missing from your checked luggage, do not bother filling out the airlines paper work to get your belongings back. Just go to the local flea market and buy your items back. You will get them cheaper than you paid for them originally and it will be quicker than waiting for the airline to buy them back from the very same local flea market.

When traveling always wear a back brace or support. This way when you meet relatives picking you up at the baggage claim, they will see your back support and pick your bags up for you. Having a relative pick up your heavy luggage decreases the chance that you will pull your back out while on vacation.

We hope these airport travel tips will be helpful. Happy traveling.

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