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Tips For Relieving Stress

Make peace with reality. Accept the fact that you will have a crappy job for the rest of your life but know that it does not have to limit you socially. You can still be the asshole you always were.

Do a yoga relaxation exercise. Lie down and get comfortable. Start tensing your individual muscles, one at a time, then letting them relax. Start with the face, end with the genitals. It best if you have a companion participating and even better if you both are naked.

Imagery helps your mind to re-program itself to being able to relax at will. Picturing a quiet scene with all your senses - what it looks like, smells like, tastes like, feels like, sounds like is helpful in relieving stress. Picturing your gorgeous next-door neighbors naked and what they look like, smell like, taste like, feel like, sound like, also relieves stress.

If you feel depressed or down due to recent job related events, use drugs or alcohol to lift your spirits. Remember it is only short term fix unless you have a wine cellar or a good stash

Listen to relaxation audiotapes. It helps to listen to the relaxation audiotapes while using drugs or alcohol.

Get regular exercise. Moderate levels of physical activity help relieve stress. Taking a walk down the street is a way to relieve stress unless you suspect terrorists in the neighborhood, if so get a treadmill.

Get enough sleep, but not too much. When stressed, some people have trouble sleeping while others spend most of their time sleeping. To help with insomnia, get your exercise during the day, not at night right before you go to bed. For this reason it is best to have sex during the day. Do your yoga relaxation exercise before bed.

If you are very stressed, and thoughts about your job are keeping you from sleeping, try writing about it. This can settle your mind enough to allow you to sleep. If it doesn't work go back to using use drugs or alcohol.

Laughter is a good way to relieve stress. Try a cruel practical joke on a friend or family member. His pain and suffering will relieve your stress.

When necessary, learn to say "no" in a friendly but firm manner. Don't overtax yourself with social functions, especially during the holiday season. Besides you will have to buy more gifts, spend more money and that means more stress. Just say no!

Make sure your working life doesn't spill over into your private life. Unless you are a hooker, then you may wish to date a wealthy client.

Think positive, recognize when you are being unrealistic with yourself. Be alert to traps such as, "I have to", "I must", "I can't", "If only" and replace them with, "Who cares?" If you don't care then there is no stress. Just care less! Think positive in "failures" and what you learned from this experience. If you learned nothing, then go back to the basic "Who cares?"

Develop friendships. Having someone to confide in is important for a healthy mind. Sharing feelings with people you trust can be a first step toward resolving problems however when those friendships go bad they can result in more stress. So be careful who you choose as your friend. Avoid relationships with "negative" friends who reinforce bad feelings. Chances are you are the "negative" friend in which case look for someone to depress. This will shift your stress to them.

Manage your time; set realistic goals and deadlines. Accept the fact that your in-box will always be full and usually with spam. Make a "To do list" but be realistic, don't expect to actually get everything on the list done. You would only be setting yourself up for failure. Failure breeds stress. When you only get half of the "To do list" done remember, "Who cares?"



Remember Stressless Scotty says, "If you don't care, there is no stress. Just care less!"

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