COMEDYZINE.COM

THE WEEKLY TIRADE

By Scotty Kowall

Originally published April 2001.

It's that time of the year again, Earth Day, the day we celebrate the Earth. We celebrate the sun once a week, every Sunday and the Earth once a year. Shouldn't we be celebrating the Earth more than the sun? We do live on the Earth...

For Earth Day I sent out some Earth Day e-cards. Hallmark probably has Earth Day paper cards but I don't think sending a paper card would be appropriate. Yea, it's Earth Day, let's cut down more trees to make cards to send out celebrating Earth Day. E-cards are faster and environmentally safe. More importantly they are free...

All across the world, communities have festivals celebrating the earth. Many festivals have live concerts. Nothing says, "Save the environment" like picking up empty bottles, cans and wrappers after a concert...

Many seaside communities have organized beach walks and cleanup activities. There is nothing I like doing better than cleaning other people's litter. Bring the turkey dogs; let's make a party of it. For me every day is Earth Day. I am constantly picking litter off my lawn from the neighborhood kids, seven days a week, not just once a year...

When I looked on the web at the various Earth Day activities, I noticed that many had only organic and vegetarian cuisine. One day out of the year every one tries organic and vegetarian food, then after eating it, remembers why they eat at Burger King...

Don't get me wrong, I am all for the environment. I do my part recycling. Though as I have mentioned in the past, I don't exactly enjoy it. Every other 'pick-up' day my county recycling collector misses my container of cans & bottles. They now gave me an additional plastic container for my cans and bottles, which they usually forget to pickup. I'm not dragging it back into my garage when they miss a pick-up. It is staying on the edge of the driveway until they come and get it. I take my waste out, once it is on the street, it doesn't come back into my yard. I don't care how high it is filled with empty beer cans. My neighbors can think I am a beeroholic if they want. It stays on the street....

I make the effort in sorting papers in one plastic bin and cans & bottles into another. One time I saw the recycling truck throw both of the sorted bins into the same section of his truck. Why am I sorting my waste if they just throw it all together? I think it is all a scam...

I have planted many trees in my life. I don't wait for one day out of the year to recognize the earth's natural beauty. I will however pay homage to the earth on this special day by spraying the weeds in my lawn with pesticide. Not everything natural that comes from the Earth is good and not everything that man makes is bad. Happy Earth Day!

Tirade Index

COPYRIGHT 2001 - 2016 SCOTTY KOWALL.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

ComedyZine.com