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THE WEEKLY TIRADE

By Scotty Kowall

I like to use Twitter to tweet out somewhat amusing nuggets from the daily news. However editing it down to 140 characters can be rather difficult if not impossible even with replacing numbers for words and removing punctuation marks. It certainly doesn't make for the best grammar not that I care. I don't use paragraphs in my Tirade mainly because a tirade is a long winded point of view where I barely stop for a breath, even for a paragraph. When it comes to tweets, some things just do not fit into 140 characters even with abbreviations. So here are some news items, studies and more that were just too long to be Tweets...
Former Illinois state treasurer employee Ed Michalowski filed a federal lawsuit against state Treasurer Dan Rutherford, a Republican candidate for governor accusing him of sexual harassment including entering Michalowski's bedroom and grabbing his genitals. With this lawsuit looks like Michalowski now has Rutherford by the balls...
Fashion house Valentino sent out a press release with a picture, stating Amy Adams carried the "Valentino Garavany Rockstud Duble bag from the Spring/Summer 2014 collection on Feb. 6 in New York." It turned out she was carrying it to Philip Seymour Hoffman's wake. The message is when going to a wake or sitting shiva, grieving is better with a Valentino Garavany Rockstud Duble bag...
A study from the University of Buffalo says that when only one spouse is a heavy drinker more often than not the marriage is more likely to end in divorce. So if your spouse drinks and you want he or she to stop and they won't stop, remember the old adage, if you can't beat them join them. For the sake of your marriage, drink up. Cheers...
And in another study, the Global Social Media Impact Study, teens in the UK mostly ignore Facebook except to keep in contact with their family but for friends Facebook is passé. It makes sense, why would sick teens want to use something that their older siblings and parents use? Sick as in cool, hip not as in bedridden. If you haven't heard "sick" used in this way you probably still use Facebook...
Dylan Farrow on alleged molestation, "My memories are mine. I remember them." In somewhat unrelated news, research published in the Journal of Neuroscience shows memory is built to change, edits events to create a story to fit your current world...
York University researchers have transmitted entirely with molecular communication a text message of “O Canada” using evaporated vodka and a tabletop fan. They did it by the controlling concentration levels of the alcohol molecules to encode the alphabet. It was then demodulated by a receiver. Impressive however it is nothing new. That cop that pulled you over and asked you to get out of your car, did the same thing when he smelled your breath and then gave you a breathalizer. He smelled the vodka on your breath, the molecules went to his brain where he received the message that you have been drinking. Molecular communication with vodka has been going on for years by police, bosses and wives...
Researchers of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the U.S.A have found a gene in hornworm caterpillars that allows them retain nicotine toxin in their blood and then to exhale it out through holes in their sides to ward off wolf spiders. Bad halitosis from tobacco. I have met a few people with that same problem...
Republicans think Obamacare may be a gift that they can use politically against the Democrats in the next election. Maybe they can but some Republicans should be concerned too. Republicans like to call The Affordable Care Act Obamacare but it could easily be called Robertscare. Chief Justice John Roberts was the deciding vote to legalize The Affordable Care Act. If not for the vote of the Republican appointed Chief Justice The Affordable Care Act would not be law today. You would think Matt Bevin who is running a primary challenge against Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) might advertise the fact that a vote for Chief Justice John Roberts by the senator was in effect a vote for Obamacare. They could pin Obamacare on McConnell. Same goes for other Republicans facing a primary challenge such as Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyo.), Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS), John Cornyn (R-TX), Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Lamar Alexander (R-TN), or Pat Roberts (R-KS) all who voted to confirm Chief Justice John Roberts, the man that gave America Obamacare. That Republican gift could turn out to be a Trojan horse filled with Tea Party supporters willing to jump at the chance to put even more conservatives in the Senate...
A woman is suing Miami North Shore Medical Center for being sexually assaulted while sedated after a physician assistant groped her in her hospital bed, ejaculated on her face then said "Welcome to nursing." And you thought the worst thing you could get from a hospital was a staph infection, turns out it is the welcome...
According to a report from the Guttmacher Institute, abortion rates in the United States are at their lowest level in 40 years. Obviously the increase in contraception has a lot to do with it. So if you are pro-life you should be pro-contraception, hence if you are against contraception you are helping abortion doctors by getting them more customers. Think about that before you condemn women for using contraception or their insurance providers for providing contraception. They are stopping the abortions that everyone claims to be against...
Kraft Foods will remove artificial preservatives from their popular individually wrapped cheese slices. Just removing the artificial preservatives, not the artificial cheese. Ummm artificial cheese. As people start to read the ingredients list, companies are starting to remove the not so attractive ingredients. Which is why all ingredients and whether it contains genetically modified food products should be listed on all labels. When companies have to tell you what is in their food, chances are it will be safer to eat. The exception being a hotdog, nobody knows what is in that, most likely slaughterhouse floor sweepings...
New York Jets Kellen Winslow was arrested for possession of a controlled substance, synthetic marijuana after police responded to a call of a man pleasuring himself in a black Cadillac Escalade. In a time when people never get off the internet and social media, it is nice to see someone actually get out and have social contact, however next time he might want to try his social contact with a woman and without the synthetic marijuana. But it is a start at least he got out of the house...

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