COMEDYZINE.COM

THE WEEKLY TIRADE

By Scotty Kowall

Today's urban legend is the belief that vaccines cause more harm than good. In parts of Nigeria many Muslim parents refuse to let their children be vaccinated against polio because they believe it will kill their children or make them sterile. They believe the polio vaccine is intended to kill or make sterile the Muslim children to stop the spread of Islam. In the United States many Christians believe vaccines can cause autism. Most of the American anti-vaccine groups are homeschoolers who are anti-science and who already distrust the government for not teaching creationism in public schools. Obviously not all homeschoolers are creationists but many are. So it follows that they won't trust the government to give their children a vaccine. There is a growing number of people who homeschool. There are also a growing number of people who distrust the government. This makes sense of course because if more people homeschool and teach their children to distrust the government, there will be more people distrusting the government. Eventually they will all die off, ironically because they didn't listen to the government and get a vaccine...
If these people really are concerned about what goes in their children then they shouldn't stop at pulling their children from public schools to prevent them from learning science or pulling them from doctor's offices to prevent them from getting a vaccination. They should pull them from urban areas and move to the country and grow their own food. There are much worse things in the foods they buy at the supermarket and feed to their children than anything they would get from a vaccination. People need to read the ingredients of all the food their family eats. A recent study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention finds packaged meals & snacks for toddlers contain too much salt & sugar. The surprising part is they needed a study to know this. Apparently the study's top researcher was Hotels.com's Captain Obvious. Packaged meals and snacks for toddlers including cereal bars, breakfast pastries, dried fruit snacks all have way too much salt and sugar. Keep feeding your kids this crap and they will be fat with high blood pressure and diabetic. The food people feed their kids and themselves have more than too much sugar and salt in them they are loaded with chemicals. If that is not bad enough much of today's foods have also been genetically-modified and it is not labeled. So you don't know if the food you buy contains genetically-modified grain or vegetables. Hey, if you don't trust a vaccine, why would you trust a genetically-modified tomato? Maybe you don't have a problem with gluten; maybe you are having an allergic reaction to a genetically-modified grain...
Let's not forget the hormones and steroids that are given to livestock, the cows and chickens that produce our milk and eggs as well as the ones we eat. Wait, there is more bad news. Maybe you are not you really lactose intolerant but just unable to digest the A1 protein found in Holstein cows and are drinking the wrong kind of milk. Buy some milk that come from Jersey or Guernsey cows that have more of the A2 protein than the A1 protein and you may have no problem drinking milk. Dairies use Holstein cows because they produce high yields of milk even though it contains the A1 protein which makes most people sick and doesn't taste nearly as good as Jersey or Guernsey cow milk...
You have parents who are adamantly against giving their kids a vaccine that could save their life while feeding their kids chemical filled food made with genetically modified organisms, loaded with sugar and salt. All you have to do is walk down the cereal aisle of your favorite supermarket to see the obvious problem. Most of the cereals are nothing more than candy packaged as a breakfast...
Yeah, you don't want your child to get a dangerous vaccine but you have no problem letting them put a cell phone to their head. A cell phone gives off high radiation, enough to possibly cause brain damage in the small developing heads of children. There is a lot higher risk of illness for a child to use a cell phone than to get a vaccination...
I hear some politicians saying parents should have a choice on whether their children are vaccinated. I am a firm believer in individual rights but no one has the right to allow their children or the rest of society's children to catch a disease when it can be prevented. According to the CDC, "childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents in the past 30 years." So the parents are obviously not making good health choices for their children, so no one should be under the false assumption that they would make a good choice on getting a vaccination. If politicians want to give parents a choice, let them have a choice of whether they want their children eating genetically modified organisms by labeling food with GMOs in them...
The best thing you can do for your family is move to a farm, grow your own vegetables, grains and buy a couple Jersey or Guernsey cows. You could churn your own milk. Get some chickens and produce your own eggs. All your food would be organic if you choose so, just the way it was before giant corporations took over the farming business. You could leave your doors unlocked and let your kids play alone on the street...
Short of going rural, the best thing you can do for your family is stop feeding them the junk in packaged foods, keep your cell phone away from their head and get them vaccinated. If you don't, it is your choice but make sure you have a good medical plan...

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