COMEDYZINE.COM

FORMER HOUSE SPEAKER
DENNIS HASTERT'S
TO DO LIST

Start day off with Denny's grand slam breakfast checked

Carve a duck decoy checked

Meet with Individual A checked

Use my lip plumper checked

Offer a nude wrestling match with Individual A checked

Withdraw large sums of cash for Individual A checked

Give cash to Individual A checked

Lunch at Golden Corral checked

Meet with FBI checked

Make up story on why I withdrew large sums of cash checked

Withdraw smaller amounts of cash for Individual A checked

Give cash to Individual A checked

Ask Tom DeLay for name of good attorney checked

Call attorney checked

Tell Individual A, I can no longer give cash checked

Dinner at China Buffet checked

Explain situation to Jean checked

Claim past mistake as youthful indiscretion checked

Pray checked






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